Being an aging parent can get tough on holidays, and especially hard on Mother's Day. Gone are the Mother's Day mornings when those excited 8 year olds bring you your breakfast of cold toast and tepid coffee, or the proud 12 year old presenting you with the surprise present she had carefully saved for out of her allowance. Such memories invariably bring tears to my eyes.
We miss those earlier days, and no amount of phone calls, cards or flowers from our adult children today can possibly envelop us in the same sense of love and closeness. Sometimes the missing evokes irrational thoughts, such as, "Had I been a better parent, my children would care about me more." Or we might lay the fault at our children's door for not being more attentive to us.
The truth of the matter is that our children have become adults with their own families. They love us not less but differently because we are no longer the central focus in their lives the same way we used to be. At least, this is the state of affairs if we had done our jobs correctly and raised our children to be independent and capable adults. Our sons now have the job of helping his children honor their mother on her special day, and our daughters deserve to be the center of love and attention of her family.
If we can accept this inevitable turn of events in our parenting careers, we and our children would all be winners. Our relationships can be based on love and duty rather than obligations and guilt. Not that I won't still have tears in my eyes over my parenting memories, but that kind of sadness is transient, inevitable and even necessary for becoming not only older but also wiser.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
Aging is a Chronic Condition!
As I prepare for my talk for the MS society, it occurred to me that aging is a chronic condition, much like MS, diabetes, rheumatoid arthritis..... None of these conditions will go away and all of them require thoughtful management to slow down the deterioation process.
Like all chronic conditions, acceptance is the key if we were to live a fulfilling life despite our limitations, and there are a lot of not-for-the-better changes we have to accept. We have less energy, we lose muscle mass, we have more wrinkles, we lose bone mass, our memory gets worse, our hair turns white, it takes longer to recover, we become invisible, we become less essential to others......
Accepting these changes doesn't mean we don't do what we can to ameliorate them. What acceptance does mean is that we take these changes into consideration in how we live our lives, without bitterness, negativity, shame or self-pity. Acceptance means an attitude adjustment so we can see the glass as half full rather than half empty. After all, waking up with all these changes still beats not waking up at all!
So what might acceptance look like?? Here are some ways if might look: We no longer try to look like a teenager. We choose a gentler form of exercise. We give ourselves longer time to recover from illnesses or surgeries. At some point we give up considering face lifts and dying our hair. We give up bright red lipsticks and stilletto heels. We give ourselves more time in between tasks. We learn to be very patient. We rest more. In a yoga class, we accept a prop rather than fight against it. We eat more healthily. We go to bed earlier. We stop sweating about the small stuff. We are less demanding of ourselves and as a result, we are easier on others as well. We follow our interests more and do less out of a sense of obligation......The list goes on, but you get the idea.
Like all chronic conditions, acceptance is the key if we were to live a fulfilling life despite our limitations, and there are a lot of not-for-the-better changes we have to accept. We have less energy, we lose muscle mass, we have more wrinkles, we lose bone mass, our memory gets worse, our hair turns white, it takes longer to recover, we become invisible, we become less essential to others......
Accepting these changes doesn't mean we don't do what we can to ameliorate them. What acceptance does mean is that we take these changes into consideration in how we live our lives, without bitterness, negativity, shame or self-pity. Acceptance means an attitude adjustment so we can see the glass as half full rather than half empty. After all, waking up with all these changes still beats not waking up at all!
So what might acceptance look like?? Here are some ways if might look: We no longer try to look like a teenager. We choose a gentler form of exercise. We give ourselves longer time to recover from illnesses or surgeries. At some point we give up considering face lifts and dying our hair. We give up bright red lipsticks and stilletto heels. We give ourselves more time in between tasks. We learn to be very patient. We rest more. In a yoga class, we accept a prop rather than fight against it. We eat more healthily. We go to bed earlier. We stop sweating about the small stuff. We are less demanding of ourselves and as a result, we are easier on others as well. We follow our interests more and do less out of a sense of obligation......The list goes on, but you get the idea.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Breath and Vitality
Central to yoga and Ayurveda is the concept of "prana," translated to mean a vital life energy. It is what distinguishes the living from the dead. This life force is also acknowledged by Chinese medicine, qigong and Tai-Chi as "qi" or "chi," and by other Asian systems with their own nomenclatures.
We have all experienced this life energy as it shifts in us. There are days when we feel on top of the world, full of energy and a gusto for life. Then there are days, such as when we are ill, when it takes all we have just to get out of bed. We also recognize this life energy in others. We might describe someone as being "full of life," even as we wonder what ills might have befallen others.
This life energy can be cultivated, and the primary vehicle is our breath. This cultivation is particularly important. As we age, we not only lose physical capacity for strenuous exercises, but a lifetime of poor posture has led to hunched over shoulders and tightened fascia that hinder us from using our full lung capacity.
Fortunately, this can be corrected. In my Breathe Better classes, for example, we do a variety of exercises that bring more mobility and openness into the rib cage and chest area before engaging in breathing exercises. This combination increases our breathing capacity and therefore the amount of life energy we can cultivate. Not only will life energy help us feel more vital, but it will also help with longevity.
We have all experienced this life energy as it shifts in us. There are days when we feel on top of the world, full of energy and a gusto for life. Then there are days, such as when we are ill, when it takes all we have just to get out of bed. We also recognize this life energy in others. We might describe someone as being "full of life," even as we wonder what ills might have befallen others.
This life energy can be cultivated, and the primary vehicle is our breath. This cultivation is particularly important. As we age, we not only lose physical capacity for strenuous exercises, but a lifetime of poor posture has led to hunched over shoulders and tightened fascia that hinder us from using our full lung capacity.
Fortunately, this can be corrected. In my Breathe Better classes, for example, we do a variety of exercises that bring more mobility and openness into the rib cage and chest area before engaging in breathing exercises. This combination increases our breathing capacity and therefore the amount of life energy we can cultivate. Not only will life energy help us feel more vital, but it will also help with longevity.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Use It or Lose It
For some time now I've been noticing how much agility I have lost. The idea of running quickyly down the stairs or skipping across the parking lot no longer seem simple or natural. In fact, I feel a bit awkward when I bend, climb or squat. I've also noticed loss of certain movement patterns in some of my older yoga students, especially those involving the pelvis. I find this alarming. Not only would I like to retain some semblance of grace in my movements but agility is critical in preventing falls and other accidents.
Sometimes blessings come in disguise. As I attend physical therapy sessions during my recovery from knee surgery, regaining agility is part of the program. For example, I've had to get on a trampoline and hop back and forth, sometimes alternating legs. When I was first instructed to do so, I thought my PT was joking. Then awkwardly I tried to comply. What I found amazing is that the initial awkwardness quickly gave way to more ease as I continued. Not that I can skip and hop as though I'm eight years old again, but I'm doing better than before my knee surgery!
So I am now more convinced than ever that agility can be maintained or regained through movement. I now have a balance board and a mini tranpoline besides my exercise bike and my yoga mat, and my daily exercise routine has become longer and more diverse. It definitely takes more time to maintain an older body, but then that's why there is such a thing called retirement, right?
Sometimes blessings come in disguise. As I attend physical therapy sessions during my recovery from knee surgery, regaining agility is part of the program. For example, I've had to get on a trampoline and hop back and forth, sometimes alternating legs. When I was first instructed to do so, I thought my PT was joking. Then awkwardly I tried to comply. What I found amazing is that the initial awkwardness quickly gave way to more ease as I continued. Not that I can skip and hop as though I'm eight years old again, but I'm doing better than before my knee surgery!
So I am now more convinced than ever that agility can be maintained or regained through movement. I now have a balance board and a mini tranpoline besides my exercise bike and my yoga mat, and my daily exercise routine has become longer and more diverse. It definitely takes more time to maintain an older body, but then that's why there is such a thing called retirement, right?
Thursday, February 18, 2010
My Guided Deep Relaxation CD
Feeling agitated? Uptight? Have trouble sleeping?
Yoga Nidra is an ancient practice that deeply relaxes the body and the mind. It has been found effective in alleviating insomnia, fatigue, and other long term effects of chronic stress. It has been found that thirty minutes of Yoga Nidra brings about rest equivalent to three hours of sleep.
Yoga Nidra also provides a great restorative experience for people recovering from chemotherapy treatments and chronic illnesses.
The CD is available at:
http://www.figgardenpress.com/ and
http://www.figgardenyogastudio.com/
My Book
QUIET MIND, HEALTHY BODY:
The Art of Low Stress Living
Taking good care of ourselves become increasingly important as we age. With a strong link between stress and chronic illnesses, a low-stress life style becomes more desireable than ever.
While retirement relieves us from work stress, we are still left with many habits of thought, emotions, behavior and life style that may exacerbate the stresses natural to aging. Since habits can be changed, why not actively make the rest of our lives as joyous, peaceful and content as possible?
For more information on the book, visit:
http://www.figgardenpress.com/
For reviews on this book, visit:
http://www.amazon.com/
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Take Charge of Your Health
When I began following the last election after decades of not watching TV, I was horrified by the commercials. It seemed to me there must be an epidemic of digestive problems, chronic headaches and erectile dysfuntions. What amazed me the most, knowing a product would not be advertised on national TV unless there is sufficiently high demand for it, is why these products are selling when their list of possible side effects seemed to me to be far worse than the ills they're proposing to remedy.
I began wondering how much of the symtoms targeted by these products might actually be side effects of other prescribed medications. I remembered a research study that showed over 40% of illnesses are iatrogenic (caused by medical treatment). Is it possible that a blood pressure or a cholesterol medicine might be causing low libido and trouble with erection? If so, is it a good remedy to add one more medication that might cause even more drastic side effects??
We are now living longer than ever before. Even with the best self-care, our systems break down and need tune-ups. At the same time, medicine is becoming increasingly specialized while the insurance industry is such that physicians are working more rapidly, seeing more patients per hour and spending less time with each. We can no longer simply rely on someone else to be in charge of our health, without involving ourselves in the deliberation process for treatment.
It is up to each of us to know what our primary care phsyician's treatment philosophy is and whether it is one with which we agree. One physician, for example, might embrace the newest medications on the market while another might favor a more natural appraoch. It is also up to each of us to become more cognizant of the variety of natural remedies available for certain conditions so we can have am educated choice as to which treatment course we want to follow.
I began wondering how much of the symtoms targeted by these products might actually be side effects of other prescribed medications. I remembered a research study that showed over 40% of illnesses are iatrogenic (caused by medical treatment). Is it possible that a blood pressure or a cholesterol medicine might be causing low libido and trouble with erection? If so, is it a good remedy to add one more medication that might cause even more drastic side effects??
We are now living longer than ever before. Even with the best self-care, our systems break down and need tune-ups. At the same time, medicine is becoming increasingly specialized while the insurance industry is such that physicians are working more rapidly, seeing more patients per hour and spending less time with each. We can no longer simply rely on someone else to be in charge of our health, without involving ourselves in the deliberation process for treatment.
It is up to each of us to know what our primary care phsyician's treatment philosophy is and whether it is one with which we agree. One physician, for example, might embrace the newest medications on the market while another might favor a more natural appraoch. It is also up to each of us to become more cognizant of the variety of natural remedies available for certain conditions so we can have am educated choice as to which treatment course we want to follow.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Ingredients for Joyous Aging
I am writing this blog because I am aging and because I find the process of aging in today's world fascinating. Never before have we lived this long, which means the aging process is new territory for us to explore and negotiate.
So what are the necessary ingredients for a successful journey? Right now I would think the following are vital, and on which I plan to write about in future post:
1. GOOD PHYSICAL HEALTH. I think this is self-explanatory for anyone who has experienced a bout of ill health. It is difficult to greet each day with joy when we are low in vital energy or suffering from aches and pains. There are many small things we can do to keep ourselves well.
2. A POSITIVE ATTITUDE. The aging process is filled with unavoidable losses which can only be balanced by the ability to see the cup as half full rather than half empty, the capacity to see the larger picture and count our blessings. As we will see, a positive attitude can be cultivated.
3. CAPACITY FOR SELF-CARE. As our energy wanes, we can no longer afford to take on one more thing we'd rather not do, say "yes" when we want to say "no", forego rest.....
4. SELF-ACCEPTANCE. As we lose our capacity for many things that used to be easy for us, we are forced to face the necessity of developing a sense of self-worth that is not based upon what we can do but upon who we are. This was always desireable, but now it is critical.
5. LOVING RELATIONSHIPS. Research has found that older people do better when not isolated. Even the most private person needs some sense of positive community. Our later years is a time to practice forgiveness and tolerance, make amends, even let go of relationships that do us more harm than good.
6. INTERESTS, HOBBIES, PASSIONS. For the best mental health, we need something outside of ourselves to focus our interest. Our later years are the best time to do what we didn't have time for when we're younger, whether it's art, sports or service.
No doubt I'll find more essential ingredients for graceful aging, but writing about these six should keep me busy for a while.
So what are the necessary ingredients for a successful journey? Right now I would think the following are vital, and on which I plan to write about in future post:
1. GOOD PHYSICAL HEALTH. I think this is self-explanatory for anyone who has experienced a bout of ill health. It is difficult to greet each day with joy when we are low in vital energy or suffering from aches and pains. There are many small things we can do to keep ourselves well.
2. A POSITIVE ATTITUDE. The aging process is filled with unavoidable losses which can only be balanced by the ability to see the cup as half full rather than half empty, the capacity to see the larger picture and count our blessings. As we will see, a positive attitude can be cultivated.
3. CAPACITY FOR SELF-CARE. As our energy wanes, we can no longer afford to take on one more thing we'd rather not do, say "yes" when we want to say "no", forego rest.....
4. SELF-ACCEPTANCE. As we lose our capacity for many things that used to be easy for us, we are forced to face the necessity of developing a sense of self-worth that is not based upon what we can do but upon who we are. This was always desireable, but now it is critical.
5. LOVING RELATIONSHIPS. Research has found that older people do better when not isolated. Even the most private person needs some sense of positive community. Our later years is a time to practice forgiveness and tolerance, make amends, even let go of relationships that do us more harm than good.
6. INTERESTS, HOBBIES, PASSIONS. For the best mental health, we need something outside of ourselves to focus our interest. Our later years are the best time to do what we didn't have time for when we're younger, whether it's art, sports or service.
No doubt I'll find more essential ingredients for graceful aging, but writing about these six should keep me busy for a while.
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